Tomorrow ('s Peaches)

Scared and freaking out a little.  

Both other times before I started new projects, I've had downtime prior to them and have had time to ramp up and mentally prepare and visualize.  This time feels so quickly upon me.  Doesn't feel real. 

Shoot.  I just back from the airport.  Opening up my suitcase to throw clothes from this weekend into my laundry basket and wondering ... what should go back in it - to be my outfits for this coming week - what will I be, look like this week?  

Such an open road ahead, like a traffic circle with infinite exits that I could take ... actually, not even with individual exits, but just a wide open pavement of options after entering the loop.  

Lord, I have no idea what's next.  I feel so unprepared.  Does everyone else have this figured out?  I'm scared of not living up to expectations ... gosh, I don't even know what the expectations for my life are ... I have dreams and goals, but the road right in front of me feels so different and ... unconnected.  The road ahead seems full of small details while at the same time heading down a big road (or, long distance plane ride).  I have so many question marks.

When you don't give the answers as I cry out to you, I will Trust in You.  Truth is you know what tomorrow brings, there's not a day ahead you have not seen.

This hasn't happened in a long time .. having to give myself a pep talk.  I am good at this.  I thrive in new environments.  I WANT newness and to shake up my routine.  I LIKE being on the other side of the unknown and nervousness and tackling challenges and looking in my rearview mirror and seeing the mountain-turned-hilled I've overcome.  

I have so many question marks..  

- What does my career look like?  Will I continue to have a career ?(this seems so obvious, but, at the same time, with such large question marks.. is ever on my heart)

- You've given me interests and dreams ... what will become of them?  How should I act on them?

- Why is Will in my life?  

- Who will I be when I grow up?  and.  who am I right now?  Like, later tonight, how will I be a daughter, child of God, on this earth to simply glorify God.

Maybe that's it.  In everything I do ... not matter which way out of the traffic circle I end up getting catapulted towards ...  I just remember I'm a child of God.  A kid (thankfully .. being a kid is so much more fun than an adult).  And, knowing two things for sure.  I am comforted by God's presence right now, and one day I'll get to dance to my hearts content in Heaven.  When NO one else knows me (heck, sometimes even including myself when I question what I should be doing and working towards) ... God knows me because he crafted me and made me.  

And, going back to the what I know now - the comfort of God in this moment, and the sometime to come celebration in Heaven.  Everything between here and then .. is  ... life.  Is a treat.  Is the double stuffed cream between the Oreos.  The ice cream of the ice cream sandwich.  And, with so much .. liveliness .. in life, with so many exits from the traffic circle ... just different flavors between the two bookends that anchor my life.  

I guess my flavor tomorrow and for this next chapter is ... peach.  Flying to ATL for a new project.

Ok, here we go.  

<3 Double h

Do they make Peach flavored Oreos?

Listening to this Lauren Daigle song on repeat:

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings 
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less