MP

This post shares a few things I have learned from the guy God moved into the first floor of my townhouse earlier this year.  In many ways, and probably without even realizing it, he has brought me closer to God ... maybe more than anyone in my life ever has. The crazy thing is, it doesn't seem like he quite truly, intimately knows God. Yet. 

Through some of my interactions with MP (his code name for this post) and analyzing how they make me feel, I've realized nuggets of how God interacts (or desires to ineract) with us, his people. What makes the following realizations hit home so hard is feeling like MP and I relate to each other so well, almost better than anyone else I've ever know. In fact, sometimes I tell MP it feels like we're the same person (in a unique, but still kinda freaky, way).    The reason I say this is cause, after re-reading this post, I can see how some of these things may feel like a criticism, but hopefully, they present an opportunity for anyone reading this to recognize and grow, both as a person, and ultimately, hopefully closer to God.

Know Us

I was having a rough day work-wise the other day so MP and I went on a walk after dinner to get some fresh air.   After beating around the bush for far too many laps around the house, I tried explaining to him that my rough day didn't all stem from just work roadblocks, but that some of my inner turmoil stemmed from us not communicating well the last few days (at least, I didn't feel like we were communicating well).  For example, not getting past talking about tile or layouts or trim work (or the apparently 1 million other things that make up a house).  It sometimes feels so superficial, especially when I want to talk about other (deeper) stuff.  My entire urge is to just say "Heyyyy! I want to talk. Not about tile, but about you. What's going on with you.  Do you even know?  If not, let's talk about that, too. :)  Anything, everything, all of it."  In line with the saying that you don't know what you got till it's gone, I have realized (especially in the times where we don't communicate well), that 

More than absolutely anything in the world, I just want to know him.  I want to be let in to his world.

I tried telling MP that a good, deep conversation and truly connecting with him would completely, 100% turn my day around and erase the sour taste in my mouth from the rest of my workday setbacks.  But, for whatever reason, after trying to talk through things, I still wasn't 100% satisfied.  

So, of course later I wonder ...why?  What is up?  Why does it sometimes feel like we can just not connect on the same level?  Has anyone in his life ever truly tried to know him THIS well, this deep, and has been this persistent?  And forced him to process thoughts and feelings? 

God just simply wants to know us. He wants us to share.  He wants to be let in.

Even if He knows what's going on with us and our hearts, He wants us to come to him. Sometimes I can tell MP has something going on in his head and in his heart (just from knowing what's going on in his life), and I so badly want him to come forward and bring up what he's struggling with.  Sometimes I'll even ask, but just don't get very far.   I just want to shake him and say "I just want to know what's up with you. How is your heart. What are you thinking?"

I wonder if God feels the same kind of sadness when He knows and can see something is going on, but we don't come to Him first.  I think that urge to truly get into the messiness of feelings, heart-stuff, dreams, desires, goals ... that's the good stuff to God.  I mean, I know there's a balance for sure.  We're told in church that the #1 thing we can do is to spend time with God.  So, we pray.  But sometimes we just don't know what to say, so we fill the space with talking about random stuff, this and that.  Which is good, to just spend time with Him.  BUT, there for sure ain't nothing that compares to a good, deep, we-got-through-that-and-figured-tough-stuff-out heart-to-heart.

Know Him

MP and I brainstorm.  A lot.  I am thankful every single day that I have someone so sharp, logical, and inquisitive to bounce ideas off of.   

However, in some cases, he is quick to interrupt what I'm saying with his thoughts, viewpoint, and reactions.  I'll try to share something and then he'll pick up on one thing and start talking ... and, there he goes again... 

Which, sometimes makes me wonder afterwards:  Does he care about me?  About what I was saying, thinking, and trying to communicate to him?

When God is trying to talk to us, we can be so so quick to interject with objections and 'telling God how we want things to go' ... instead of truly listening to what He's trying to say and teach us.  Sometimes we can miss important things that cause us more pain and stress or confusion because we didn't hear God's voice reassuring us that this is His plan, and He is with us.  Plus, not to mention, hands down, God is God.  The end.  We should listen when He's speaking.  

Prayer is a two-way street, and just like God wants to hear from us, he wants to guide us, as well.  God invites us to share and be in relationship with Him, and then, over time, He slowly reveals and teaches us who He is (we just have to be quite and still long enough to hear and see it :)). 

Pursuit

Lately, I've become restless with feeling that MP just lets life happen to him. I mean, he works very hard and is super caring, but, but. Sometimes I just want to reach over and shake him (again) and yell "Pursue something!! Anything! With gazelle-like intensity - chase it, pursue it, with everything and every fiber in you. Pursue it!!!!!!"  ... Girlfriends, career moves, life changes, big dreams ... Just Go for it.   I want the absolute best for MP and I want his big dreams to be realized.

I wonder why it bothers me so much that he doesn't chase and pursue something with as much intensity and vigor as I know is possible or that I do.  I wonder... is it because 

I have intimately experienced first-hand how absolutely amazing it is to BE pursued and TO pursue?  

God pursued my butt for so, so long, and because of that, I know Him and will forever be His.  Experiencing the amazing effects of God's pursuit on your life I think instills in you this passion for pursuing dreams and people with everything that you have. Exactly like the book Love Does, where Bob Goff is IN people's lives and chases dreams and ideas like no one's business. He goes after life and absolutely GETS it :D 

As awesome as things are most of the time, life with MP is not always peaches and cream.  Sometimes I think it'd be easier if we didn't live together.  It'd be easier to avoid some of the things that we've encountered and had to address. But, God has literally put him IN my life by putting him IN my house.  Love thy neighbor never meant so much.. especially when he is directly below me by 2 floors and using my same kitchen and living room. 

So, I guess the moral of the story is ... pursue! Know Him!   

While sometimes I worry that I border on nagging or criticizing, I figure there is too much on the line to not full force SHOW UP, PURSUE, BE THERE, ENCOURAGE, LAUGH, BREAK THE ICE (/stone wall) and ALL OUT LOVE  MP.  Just like God put people in MY life to do the same, so that I could realize God was Pursuing me, loves me no matter what, will always be there for me and that I will always be enough for Him.  

<3  this one little kid that wants to share the endless

warm vegan chocolate chip cookies,

the cold powerballs with blueberries inside,

and God's grace that will FOREVER change your life.