Every single day since I decided to leave Accenture to pursue a career in real estate and home renovation has felt like a never ending step into uncharted territory. Gone are the days where even the smallest things feel like they are on autopilot. It leaves me feeling like I have so much to create ... to figure out so much. Back in college, the idea of a 1 year, 3 year, and 5 year plan and goals was drilled into us. When I lean back on that ideal ... I feel even more lost. I hardly know what tomorrow holds, what my goals should be, how I'll make money, and so much more. Question mark after question mark after question mark.
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Question marks in what feels like every genre of my life.
Money - Never before have I 'worried' about my financial situation. Should I spend money on a new pair of jeans? Going out to my favorite restaurant? A fun vacation and escape with friends? With my income basically being negative, how can I afford to spend even a penny more than the most basic necessities? Even more - I am a far cry from making as much as I did at Accenture, yet alone the exponentially more that I dreamed of by starting my own business. As the months go by with no income, I wonder if I should do the "responsible" thing and go back and get a regular job? Am I being selfish in pursuing something that interests me and can just be viewed as my next challenge? And what about my legacy - ha... and how in the world could I ever support the dreams of other dependents? So many questions because the current reality is so, so far from the future I envisioned.
Moving and relationship - Sean and I talk about Boise, about Atlanta. We know each of our future's most likely isn't in Houston - but where should it be? Will we move to the same city and grow GPH (and our friendship/relationship) into something incredibly awesome, serving people and communities by creating beauty in the spaces we work in ... or will we turn in completely opposite directions and most likely end the company and vision and relationship we've been building for the past year.
Career - Since Georgia Tech, it's felt like I'm part of one of the most awesome, professional, successful families when I'm connected to the Georgia Tech network. Now I feel so far from that professional status. Most days I wear tennis shoes or hiking boots or flip flops. Jeans is dressing up. I have no fancy office, office building, expense accounts, travel, or anything else. I have me, my phone (usually connected to an Anker charger because it's used constantly), my laptop, and my car (usually dirty, dusty, and filled with paint, tile, cleaning supplies, or an endless list of other stuff). Some days it just feels so far from the GT professional career that so many of my classmates are living out (not to mention my previous consulting coworkers and teammates...).
But.
There's this little pea sized nugget of confidence, faith, belief, and knowledge. It's that pea sized nugget that gives me just enough strength to carry on.
The song Enough by Brenan Murphy helped me connect the dots, especially these lyrics:
Have I been taking my eye off the ball (the opportunities and people God has put in my life - right in front of me)? I realize I'm thinking too much about what the final score will be - what will my life end up looking like - will it be a career and journey that I'm proud of and happy with?
There are so many fun, obvious examples of what happens when you take your eye off the ball. Zorro, Sean's family dog we're watching for a few weeks, has endless energy and won't hesitate to sprint off when we even pretend to throw a ball for him to go fetch. When he realizes we didn't actually let go and throw the ball, he'll have to run back and anxiously, patiently wait for us to throw it. In tennis, same thing - you always really hit that sweet spot when you keep your eye on the ball until right after contact. Not to mention every other sport out there.
I go back to that pea sized nugget of faith. It's made of knowing how God has worked in my life so far, knowing that He is a good God, and that realization - that beautiful puzzle with a million different pieces fitting so well together. Oh how He has prepared me for this for years. And oh how I can see myself absolutely loving serving clients once I build more confidence and experience, and how I continue to see so many sad examples of people placing their trust and hard earned money in the hands of incompetent contractors that cause so much pain, frustration, headache, and expensive mistakes. I can do SO MUCH BETTER. I can turn those painful experiences into one of the best, most beautiful transformations someone will get to tangibly see - right in their own home.
Keep my eye on the ball. Keep my eye on the ball. God has invited me on this absolutely amazing journey. I had the faith and courage to say yes. Now I need to stay focused and follow.
I gotta be open to whatever opportunities the big Guy up there puts in front of me to grab by the horns and knock out of the park. Like the client He has already given me (how crazy is that??) and just the amazing level of learning happening every single day. And how much He is stretching me to be an independent professional in a career that is just a few months old.
It's easy to see all those question marks as uncertainties to worry about and try to plan for. But what if we saw all those question marks as amazing opportunities to be blown away at an Amazing story only God could dream up and orchestrate - it's just up to us to have the faith, follow even when we can't see how it all fits together, and serve and love whatever He puts in front of us.
Just like Windswept, our first flip, life might be frustrating sometimes, but oh how wonderful the end product is and the things learned and relationships built along the way.
My name is Heather, and I am committed to living out the beautiful life God has planned - in whatever form it ends up taking. With Him, I know it will be beautiful and gratifying.
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